Lauren, my friend, it's been ten years. Whenever I think of high school, I think of your smile and your pink lipstick. Always glamorous, even at the beach. We had some fun times together then. Now I hardly recognize you. I wish I had known that you were so sad. I wish I had been a real friend to you.

A real friend would have told you that God had a plan for you and that he loved you individually. A real friend wouldn't have kept everything I know about God and heaven and life to myself. I wish you were here again so I could tell you that we come to this earth to get a body so we can learn about happiness. I remember a time when you were happy, and someday I think you'll see that it was always there all around you. I let you down, mistakenly thinking that you were living your life your way and I was living mine and that you would find your own happiness in life. Now you are gone, and I am very very sorry, for whatever that is worth.

May God Bless you and take away your pain.

The Case of the Missing Jewels

I can't believe Alli is five years old! School is coming: riding the bus, school lunch, and "after school time" are all a few months shy of this moment in time. I have this irrational fear that the age of innocence is ending as well, and all the quiet, controlled mom time we've spent together will be dashed on the rocks of the real world in a tidal wave of "Santa's not real" and "the boys at school told me all about where babies come from, mom." Maybe I'm ready to home-school. Oh, wait. I have no patience for kids.

I suppose Kindergarten will come, no matter what, and it will be a great experience, despite all my fretting. In the meantime, I am trying to savor every "play with me now, mom," and "I'm hungry. Get me some milk, too." Soon her constant energy will be channelled elsewhere, and maybe that will be a good thing for both of us. After all, I can't be her sole source of excitement forever. There's a whole big world out there for her, and she's ready to take it on. There, now I've gone and made myself cry.

So anyway, the point is that we had a great big Alli-pa-looza this past weekend to celebrate her five year old coming of age. It was a Nancy Drew Detective Party, which Alli decided on two months ago. Let me just say that I have a thing for matching everything, and there isn't a single Nancy Drew party item for sale anywhere in the world. I looked. Hard.

So we improvised, and the result was a lot of fun. First Johnny Jewel thief made an appearance and our detectives in training got fingerprinted and donned name badges and "evidence bags" before heading down to the basement to recover the lost jewels, aka craft rhinestones, that were hidden all over the floor. They absolutely loved this, which surprised me a little. After all, I did search high and low on the Internet for mystery games, but all of them required reading skills. When I came up with "let's scatter sparkly stuff all over the floor and let them pick it up," I didn't intuitively know it was a winner.

Next we went on a good old fashioned scavenger hunt using the compass, magnifying glass, and binoculars that I put in the party favor bags. At the end of the hunt they found the party favor "detective paraphernalia," and I pronounced them detectives for real.

My friend Konnie, who is even more amazing than I thought, made a magnifying glass cake for me. Those cake decorating classes came in handy, although I think it takes more than a class to create a cake artist. It was even better than I expected, which is a huge improvement on the last birthday cake I bought from Smith's which was much worse than I expected... I'm lucky to have so many talented friends. Thanks Konnie.

Now the party planner in me can go on vacation for another blissful 11 months.

Conversations with Alli: Part II

Alli, always on the cutting edge of vocabulary, has changed a few things around lately. Knowing her, it seems like she must be doing it on purpose. I can't really imagine she doesn't know the difference, especially when I've told her a few times. She's goofy sometimes and likes to make mistakes on purpose.

"I'm going to shuffle the drive, mom."

"Let's watch that smoofie dog on Charlie Brown."

During a pretend trip to the ice-skating rink, Alli said: "You better be on your best behave, Maddie, or you can't skate." This is all the funnier because I've never ever said that momism to her before.

This month Maddie has also been working on her vocabulary, and we laugh at her all day long. She can now string two words together to make small sentences. The first was, "Daddy's... home." She says each word in the sentence as if it is standing alone, so there is a little pause inbetween. She can also say "C'mon...Alli" and "No...Bed!"

Claus is coming!

Christmas is coming, and we're dusting off the Christmas cookie cutters, preparing some magic reindeer food, and on occasion, visiting with the big man himself for quick pictures and last minute gift wishing. But what happens when Alli's wish is a new one, and Santa's already bought her present? What's an elf to do then?

After hustling around to eight employee Christmas parties, (well, it was a lot, I don't know exactly how many) and rounding up "ten dollar limit" gifts for people I've never met, it's almost time to really celebrate the season. And that means wrapping the little tongue depressor man that Alli made for her Dad in a ridiculously over sized box with the tacky store bows I swore off when I was prideful and living outside our means...

But I love homemade Christmas presents. I think they're awesome and deserve the pomp and circumstance of a good wrapping job. Who needs another gift card, anyway?

My Mom's also been helping us get into the Christmas spirit this year with some new coats for Alli and Maddie. Maddie likes to wear hers all day Sunday, and she won't take it off even to play in the nursery. Whenever she has it on she struts around like she's ten feet tall, when in fact she's smaller than everyone. It gives her a little attitude, which is really funny.

We've done our shopping and planned our holiday meals. Now it's time to light up those high voltage bulbs on the front of our house and turn on the Christmas train. Before long we'll be sipping cranberry cider and eating cinnamon rolls to the pleasant sound of paper tearing and kids screaming--it's almost Christmas!

A Conversation with Alli

Alli: "We need to send out my birthday invitations because I'm going to be too busy in January, and I know that you are going to be busy too."

Me: "What are you going to be so busy with?"

Alli, after thinking it over: "Paperdolls."

This Halloween Alli was ready. She knew the drill, she'd done it before, and it was time to show her stuff. At 4:30 she was already at the door, saying, "I see trick-or-treaters! Let's go, let's go!"


Maddie, on the other hand, was entirely unaware of what was coming. We practiced saying "chich-a-cheet" a few times before we left, but otherwise she was completley unprepared. Once we got to the first door, however, all that changed. She got wind of candy involvement, and her little hand was urgently smacking our neighbor's door with that flat handed high five knock that toddlers use. As soon as the door opened, she yelled, "chich-a-cheet" and made for the candy. She's a very shy little girl, but not when it comes to candy, I guess. I was surprised to see her approach a strange doorstep, much less interact with another person.

Maddie was so enthralled with Halloween, that I couldn't even get her to smile for a single picture. She was too busy working the street. Here she is with a look of determination on her face:

The day after Halloween we were able to take Alli and Maddie around to visit all the Grandparents who didn't get to see the costumes the day before. They looked great this year, I must say, and thanks again to my sister-in-law Alicia who let us borrow her awesome costumes. We visited Ty's mom in the hospital, who is doing much better this week after losing consciousness last week from diabetic related issues. Hopefully we didn't wreak too much havoc while there, but at least the girls got to see Grandma looking more like herself.

Then we went to my Grandma's for her annual Halloween party, which is always fun. We ate our carved apples, and played fun games like "pass the ring" and "who can get to the duck-taped chocolate fastest." My only regret was that we didn't play "glow in the dark musical coffins" this year because I think I could have wrestled away the last coffin and won for once.

Happy Halloween!